If falling in love is a must for a relationship, there should be no danger included, isn’t it?

In other words: what’s the use of falling in love if there is danger included. And if indeed it’s dangerous, how do we learn to deal with it.

Well, that’s of course if we want to be happy. And I think that most of you are convinced that falling in love is the reliable foundation in a relationship. That it’s the best way to feel happy. I’m sorry to sound unromantic, but it’s not.

What we wish the most, is a permanent feeling of being in love because it feels really great!

Unfortunately, there are some factors to be taken into consideration to realize that there is also this painful background. Probably you have already experienced it.

                                                  But do you know why?

The hard scientific reality shows us that a person in love becomes a playground for the released hormones. Dopamine, noradrenaline and phenylethylamine levels rise high, sometimes giving an effect comparable to taking drugs. At the same time the serotonin and oxytocin levels can get so low that the brain gets out of balance. Then, it becomes difficult to control your emotions, bringing fluctuations between euphoria and sadness, like when we are missing our partner or are afraid to lose him. As a consequence, the endocrine reactions are very complex. Science seems to tell us that, when “being in love” includes those tensions, means we are trapped in an unreliable body reaction.

But let’s rather see for ourselves now. Looking from our own experiences. We know indeed that being in love is often unstable. There wouldn’t be so many divorces otherwise.

The question a wise human being would ask himself is:

                          How can I protect myself from suffering from love?

Try to understand the psychological reality of it. For this, I would advise to inquire into the following two suggestions:

1) “Being in love” and “Love” can be two different things.

Being in love is mainly a projection. It’s based on desire and expectations. The image about the ideal – that is based on conditioning – is projected towards the partner. Then you fall in love with a potential and not with the person itself. And this is not Love. It makes the relationship conditional. This is a wrong basis to start with, especially if you’re not “trained” to let go of your hooked patterns (thinking that yours are right).

2) Can you find balance?

Love in a relationship can be pure when the essence is about the collapse of the sense of separation. The sense of separation being an illusion makes that the ego is not seen as a reality anymore where you don’t see yourself as more important than the other. It means “I love you as much as I love myself”. This is oneness of the heart. The potential is then about stimulating each other into a greater oneness. This can last forever, because it’s the same “Love” as in relation to everything, meaning it is not conditional. It’s the fulfillment of this sense of unity reflected into the relationship: the falling away of the sense of separation is the falling away of conditionings towards the outer world or towards the other in the relationship. This is confronting for the ego because it is not conditional anymore. In many couples, one of both can evolve more than the other, what brings conflict. Especially when one partner stays with the “old” patterns. There comes a new challenge to find the right balance. This can only take place by raising the vibrations of your consciousness.

Published by eddyvancalster

Combining philosophy with neuroscientific principles and with a Master’s degree at the Brussels Faculty of Medicine, I have developed a vision to enable people to tackle problems while overcoming fear or judgment. I help strip away the excuses and convenient stories we tell ourselves to get through life. Replacing them by guiding to a deeper realistic sense, I bring evolution in the process towards a greater freedom. It’s an ability to show you how harmful it is to accept a particular state of mind as an established fact. My work involves emptying the mind of the obstacles that are getting in the way of fulfilment. How can I (Eddy Van Calster) help you or your company transform?

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